Love and Logic

I just got back from Salt Lake City where I attended a "Love and Logic" conference with Dr. Jim Fay. It was so GOOD that I wanted to tell all of you about it...especially you parental units. He has such practical ways to deal with kids--things I wish I had known as a parent. Go to the website http://www.loveandlogic.com
They have books available for parents that would be helpful at all levels, from toddlers (how to get your kid to go to bed and stay there the first time, for example) to homework wars, to dealing with teenagers.

Here's a tip from yesterday: NEVER argue with a child...just lower your voice and say, "Love you too much to argue with you," and keep repeating it whatever your child says. Then DON'T engage in any arguing. The kid soon learns that line--they may get disgruntled and say, "Yeah, I know...you love me too much to argue with me!"but they learn that you can't be manipulated that way. This buys you time to think over what you might do. Fay says any time you argue, you've lost.

Other one liners:

When a kid says, "I hate you!" he is really saying, "I'm mad because I can't manipulate you."

Children who learn that temper tantrums work become adults who use them.

While in the heat of emotion is NOT a good time to make decisions. Wait.

Oops. Dad's coming to get me from school. Finish this later!

It's Been a Long Time

Julianne inspired me. Her blogspot is so CUTE (I WILL learn how to decorate my page...eventually!). But coming back here to write is a big step for me right now.

I have pondered about how to keep a journal...you all know how I've filled many hand-written journals...then I switched to typing my thoughts and keeping them in a word file...then I wanted to write a gratitude journal after hearing Henry B. Eyring's conference talk in October 2007. I filled one little journal and loved it, because the focus was always positive. It helped think every day about how I had been blessed, or how I could see the hand of God in my life and the lives of my family.

Then Janna bought me a set of new journals because she knew I had filled the one...but they are larger, and looked harder to write in for some reason...and writing by hand sometimes makes it so I don't write at all.

Today as I thought about it, I remembered I had set up this blogspot. "Why not record my life online...then I can print off pages and keep them in a binder for hardcopy backup if I want. Eh???" So here I am on a Sunday morning, trying anew.

Yesterday was FUN. Darwin, Kendall, Janna and I worked our heads off outside. Since the city of Hurricane was having a clean-up day, they provided huge dumpsters and a place to off load organic materials, too. Darwin had already decided we were going to do WAR on the spiders which have seemed to multiply and replenish beyond all reason. We've had more cobwebs than I've ever seen before...it's out of control and crazy! We've had the bug lady spray, too...but evidently the spiders LOVE the organic stuff she uses. Cockroaches hate it, and they belly up and die, but not the spiders. They have made little nests in-between the mortar of the bricks...they have spun their webs absolutely everywhere outside. Darwin would park his pickup in the driveway, and the next morning, there would be webs hanging from underneath the truck. Our front room window became festooned with webs in the screens--it looked like we were decorating for Halloween!

So...we made war. We wanted to clean up the outside before we got a non-organic bug spray person to come, since the last big wind and ripped leaves and nuts off the pecan trees, and left behind lots of dirt. Once we started cleaning, the momentum of moving all the equipment behind the house...saws, lights, air-compressers, etc. etc. etc. became fun. We were deciding what to get rid of while we were at it, and this is where the excitement began. Lumber that has been stacked for years was a veritable paradise for black widows and daddy-long-legs. We were smashing spiders as we stacked the boards on the pickup to haul away. Darwin has realized that with his back problems--his instability even standing and walking--that he will never do the yardwork, repair work, etc. that he used to take for granted. He knew he would never do anything with the lumber ever again...and it hurt his feelings. It was like saying goodbye to a whole way of life...like chopping off an arm or a leg...seeing the very possibility of projects he has had in his head fizzle away as each board was stacked.

The old boards in the sandpile went. The stacked lumber in the corner of the back "patio" (I don't know what to call it--it's never been a patio, but home to all the things that would normally be in a shop or garage...if we had such a creature!) went. Various things in the shed went. There was rolled up chicken wire from down by the chicken coop, old posts, feed barrels, all the stacked up stuff inside the coop...and along with all that, more dreams. "Should we get rid of this biddy pen? Or should we get some little biddies?" flitted through Darwin's mind and out of his mouth. I hated to have to tell him, "Honey, think back on why we got rid of the chickens in the first place. Carrying those sacks of feed was too hard, especially in the winter, and they pooped all over the back yard where the trampoline is."

"Yeah." (Said in a dejected voice!) "Get rid of all of it."

So we did--and even Darwin got excited as he saw such progress. All told, we took five loads to the dumpsters!!! By "we," I mean Kendall and Janna. We could not have done it without them. They even hoisted Darwin's old wooden workbench, which was huge and heavy. (And another dream gone!)

If I had the money, I would build a real shop for Darwin...a place to store things out of the weather, a place where he could putter and build things, a place where he could fix and repair to his heart's content, without everything being covered with dirt and leaves, and SPIDERS!

Man. I'm writing a LOT. But if this is my new journal, that's how it's going to be. There is a huge possibility no one will read this except Darwin and me anyway.

Oh. Before I heist my keister upstairs to get ready for church, I have to enumerate more blessings: The weather has been glorious! Blue October skies filled with cool sunshine, leaves turning brilliant yellows and reds, cool, invigorating breezes...and since this IS Hurricane, downright gale-force winds to scour out the valley.

I rejoice in my family today. Shauna and Ty traveled to Salt Lake City to help Ty's cousin Adam finish getting his house ready to sell. Shauna contacted Andy and let him know they were coming, so Shauna and Andy will finally see each other after seven years of drought. I am so thrilled that their families finally get to meet. What with the Diaz family living in New Jersey and the Giffords in Georgia for so many years...and now having them only 7 or 8 hours away from each other, it's wonderful.

Julianne wanted to travel down from Logan to meet baby Matilda for the first time, so I hope that works out, too. Juje LOVES Utah State University...and Logan. She is having such a great experience there.

More later. I must away.